Grace is an effective tool.
It will bring you trust.
It will bring you appreciation.
It will bring you love.
It will bring you prosperity.
Yogi Bhajan
Day 120. According to Kundalini Yoga tradition, this is the day when the practice becomes who I am. As I practice twice daily.....I AM GRACE OF GOD.
I will write more later, but I am well and everyday I feel more authentic.
Blessings to you,
Lisa
Monday, January 21, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Day 101: The Practice of Graceful Relations
If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain.
Maya Angelou
It's Day 101 of my practice. According to yogic tradition, at 40 days, I created a new habit. At 90 days, I confirmed that habit. At 120 days, the habit is who I am. At 1000 days, I will have mastered the habit. 880 days to navigate on my own, without any benchmarks. I'm feeling a bit anxious about this. You see, I love my practice and the way it bookends my day. It is comfortable and comforting. I also appreciate the 40, 90 and 120-day milestones that mark the path. Why the long stretch between 120 days and 1000 days? Perhaps it is about bringing the practice into my everyday life. Perhaps this 880 days will focus on moving the Grace of God meditation "off the mat" and into my relationships? As I pondered this, support, help and guidance arrived in the form of a 21-day challenge and a purple silicone "complaint-free world" bracelet.
Here's the challenge: go 21 days without complaining.
Unity minister Will Bowen offered that challenge to his congregation. He passed out purple bracelets with a simple charge: "if you catch yourself complaining, take the bracelet and move it to the other wrist." A year or so later over 6 million people have taken up the challenge, trying to go 21 consecutive days without complaining, criticizing or gossiping, and, in the process, creating a new, beneficial habit.
I've been on day 1 for at least 3 weeks. From reading Bowen's book A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD and the website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org, I understand that it takes most people 4-8 months to make it 21 consecutive days. It is a challenge, but it can be accomplished. I found out how challenging it can be just this morning. I rose at 5:00 and practiced yoga for an hour. When I finished, our cats waited patiently by their food bowl. I saw that the bowl was pretty full. Chocolate and Vanilla just looked at me, waiting for me to scoop some fresh food on top of what was already there. I heard myself speak my first words of the day. "You already have food!." I looked at the clock. 6:12 a.m. I moved my bracelet. My first words of the day were a complaint....and they were directed at my cats!
When I began this challenge, I considered myself an optimistic, peaceful, generous person. I thought, "I don't complain that much....this should be easy. Maybe it will be good for my family and the students in my yoga classes." So, while waiting for my official bracelet to arrive, I put a rubber band on my wrist and started. I spent the entire day astonished as I noticed how rare it was for me to have a complaint-free conversation. My rubber band broke from being moved so many times in a single day. Like most of us, I am an optimistic, peaceful, generous person. I'm also a whiny, griping, gossipy, complaining, critical person....and the first object of my attacks? Myself.
I thought that I used language carefully and that I was aware of the words I spoke. But the truth of the matter is that I am on conversational auto-pilot most of the time and that auto-pilot may not have my best interests at heart. The autopilot seems to spend most of the time, yes, complaining, criticizing and gossiping. This auto-pilot is both external and internal, guiding my conversations with others and my conversations with myself.
Bowen spends a good portion of his book defining "complaint". In practical terms, to me, it has come to mean a spoken expression of dissatisfaction. Gossiping? Complaining as bragging. We gossip to make ourselves look better by comparison. Criticism? Complaining with a sharp, personal edge.
What I realized very quickly was that habitual griping doesn't nourish me, it offers the conversational equivalent of fast food. I use complaining, gossiping and criticizing primarily to elicit sympathy or approval. I get that quick hit of superficial affirmation from another person and I think I'm good to go. Being happy and content? That's not a benefit of complaining. I also realized very quickly that complaining poisons my life. When I complain I take every situation way too personally. I believe everything I think. If I have a mantra these days it is this: Don't believe everything you think.
Maybe you're thinking, as I did, that some complaints are necessary and that it's healthy to complain -- after all, you don't want to hold your feelings in. When we complain, we are saying that "something is wrong" and we intentionally increase the level of stress in our lives. We stop breathing deeply. Muscles tighten, blood pressure rises, bodies ache and we don't sleep well. Complaining is not good for our health.
I have a very specific intention for the practice: to reset my everyday attitude to one of appreciation. Bowen writes, "Your attitude, an outward expression of your inner thoughts, dictates how people will relate to you."
A student in one of my yoga classes once said, "You are so calm and peaceful. I just want to take you home with me." I looked at her and quietly said; "Don't assume I'm like this at home." Perhaps that is my true motivation, to build deeper more graceful relationships with my family and to model this practice for my three sons, ages 13, 11 and 8.
Does that mean that I will remain silent when something happens that needs to be remedied? No. It just means that I will be more attentive, choosing my words and my tone of voice with care. I will probably choose silence more. I will speak with less fear and anger. I will look very carefully for the blessings in challenges. Perhaps, through this practice, I will become the change I wish to see in the world.
Blessings to you in this brand new year,
Lisa
If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Don't complain.
Maya Angelou
It's Day 101 of my practice. According to yogic tradition, at 40 days, I created a new habit. At 90 days, I confirmed that habit. At 120 days, the habit is who I am. At 1000 days, I will have mastered the habit. 880 days to navigate on my own, without any benchmarks. I'm feeling a bit anxious about this. You see, I love my practice and the way it bookends my day. It is comfortable and comforting. I also appreciate the 40, 90 and 120-day milestones that mark the path. Why the long stretch between 120 days and 1000 days? Perhaps it is about bringing the practice into my everyday life. Perhaps this 880 days will focus on moving the Grace of God meditation "off the mat" and into my relationships? As I pondered this, support, help and guidance arrived in the form of a 21-day challenge and a purple silicone "complaint-free world" bracelet.
Here's the challenge: go 21 days without complaining.
Unity minister Will Bowen offered that challenge to his congregation. He passed out purple bracelets with a simple charge: "if you catch yourself complaining, take the bracelet and move it to the other wrist." A year or so later over 6 million people have taken up the challenge, trying to go 21 consecutive days without complaining, criticizing or gossiping, and, in the process, creating a new, beneficial habit.
I've been on day 1 for at least 3 weeks. From reading Bowen's book A COMPLAINT FREE WORLD and the website www.acomplaintfreeworld.org, I understand that it takes most people 4-8 months to make it 21 consecutive days. It is a challenge, but it can be accomplished. I found out how challenging it can be just this morning. I rose at 5:00 and practiced yoga for an hour. When I finished, our cats waited patiently by their food bowl. I saw that the bowl was pretty full. Chocolate and Vanilla just looked at me, waiting for me to scoop some fresh food on top of what was already there. I heard myself speak my first words of the day. "You already have food!." I looked at the clock. 6:12 a.m. I moved my bracelet. My first words of the day were a complaint....and they were directed at my cats!
When I began this challenge, I considered myself an optimistic, peaceful, generous person. I thought, "I don't complain that much....this should be easy. Maybe it will be good for my family and the students in my yoga classes." So, while waiting for my official bracelet to arrive, I put a rubber band on my wrist and started. I spent the entire day astonished as I noticed how rare it was for me to have a complaint-free conversation. My rubber band broke from being moved so many times in a single day. Like most of us, I am an optimistic, peaceful, generous person. I'm also a whiny, griping, gossipy, complaining, critical person....and the first object of my attacks? Myself.
I thought that I used language carefully and that I was aware of the words I spoke. But the truth of the matter is that I am on conversational auto-pilot most of the time and that auto-pilot may not have my best interests at heart. The autopilot seems to spend most of the time, yes, complaining, criticizing and gossiping. This auto-pilot is both external and internal, guiding my conversations with others and my conversations with myself.
Bowen spends a good portion of his book defining "complaint". In practical terms, to me, it has come to mean a spoken expression of dissatisfaction. Gossiping? Complaining as bragging. We gossip to make ourselves look better by comparison. Criticism? Complaining with a sharp, personal edge.
What I realized very quickly was that habitual griping doesn't nourish me, it offers the conversational equivalent of fast food. I use complaining, gossiping and criticizing primarily to elicit sympathy or approval. I get that quick hit of superficial affirmation from another person and I think I'm good to go. Being happy and content? That's not a benefit of complaining. I also realized very quickly that complaining poisons my life. When I complain I take every situation way too personally. I believe everything I think. If I have a mantra these days it is this: Don't believe everything you think.
Maybe you're thinking, as I did, that some complaints are necessary and that it's healthy to complain -- after all, you don't want to hold your feelings in. When we complain, we are saying that "something is wrong" and we intentionally increase the level of stress in our lives. We stop breathing deeply. Muscles tighten, blood pressure rises, bodies ache and we don't sleep well. Complaining is not good for our health.
I have a very specific intention for the practice: to reset my everyday attitude to one of appreciation. Bowen writes, "Your attitude, an outward expression of your inner thoughts, dictates how people will relate to you."
A student in one of my yoga classes once said, "You are so calm and peaceful. I just want to take you home with me." I looked at her and quietly said; "Don't assume I'm like this at home." Perhaps that is my true motivation, to build deeper more graceful relationships with my family and to model this practice for my three sons, ages 13, 11 and 8.
Does that mean that I will remain silent when something happens that needs to be remedied? No. It just means that I will be more attentive, choosing my words and my tone of voice with care. I will probably choose silence more. I will speak with less fear and anger. I will look very carefully for the blessings in challenges. Perhaps, through this practice, I will become the change I wish to see in the world.
Blessings to you in this brand new year,
Lisa
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Day 98: Crossing the Threshold
This is me taking a deep breath as I sit down to write in 46 days. When I wrote "What I Know For Sure", I was overwhelmed and barely keeping my head above the churning waters of my life.
Another deep breath. I want to cross the threshold of the new year with a lighter load. The first step? Naming the experiences of the past 46 days with curiosity and compassion. On one level, I feel like I've been abducted by aliens (who just recently returned me to earth). On another level, I feel more engaged with the ingredients of my life than ever before.
The ingredients include family, children, teaching, practicing.....perhaps, as writer David Richio states, "serenity comes not only from accepting what we cannot change by from giving up trying to be in control."
It takes 40 days to change a habit and 90 days to confirm that habit. These days between 40 and 90 have been all about control. Even as I have kept up with the practice, I have been tempted, hounded and plagued by all manner of situations that have demanded my attentive presence and resisted my attempts at control.
The threshold I'm crossing? One that moves from the 90 days of confirming a habit to the 120 days where the new habit is who I am. I'm really attentive to the words, the mantra I'm repeating 150 times twice a day. I AM GRACE OF GOD.
This mantra is an affirmation that retrains my mind. It is a consciously chosen thought. It is a tool for transformation and, I feel, will carry me across this threshold. Richio speaks in his book THE 5 GIVENS OF LIFE, of Grace as "the spiritual complement to effort", a source that "grants us the gift of transcending our ordinary limits." "Grace means that we are not alone; we are always accompanied."
Day 60: Thanksgiving. My father-in-law came up for dinner. It was clear that something was wrong with him physically....his health seems to be deteriorating.
Day 62: Henry's 11th birthday. It didn't live up to his expectations ("not enough present"). I'm still opening my heart to that experience. I felt crushed. Michael, my father-in-law came up for the celebration. We knew that something was wrong.
Day 64: Michael's kidneys are failing. Tests.
Day 67: Michael admitted to the hospital. Mike, my husband, cares for him. The boys and I are on our own for the time being.
Facing the bluntness of reality is the highest form of sanity and enlightened vision....Devotion proceeds through various stages of unmasking until we reach the point of seeing the world directly and simply without imposing our fabrications....There may be a sense of being lost or exposed, a sense of vulnerability. That is simply a sign that ego is losing its grip on its territory; it is not a threat.
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
Michael is home from the hospital now. My mother -in-law returned from her sister's in Arkansas. They both need a lot of care from Mike. We've celebrated Calvin's 13th birthday and my 46th. I've passed 90 days of of continuous practice. Christmas was peaceful.
I feel useful.
Blessings to you as you prepare to cross your threshold,
Lisa
Another deep breath. I want to cross the threshold of the new year with a lighter load. The first step? Naming the experiences of the past 46 days with curiosity and compassion. On one level, I feel like I've been abducted by aliens (who just recently returned me to earth). On another level, I feel more engaged with the ingredients of my life than ever before.
The ingredients include family, children, teaching, practicing.....perhaps, as writer David Richio states, "serenity comes not only from accepting what we cannot change by from giving up trying to be in control."
It takes 40 days to change a habit and 90 days to confirm that habit. These days between 40 and 90 have been all about control. Even as I have kept up with the practice, I have been tempted, hounded and plagued by all manner of situations that have demanded my attentive presence and resisted my attempts at control.
The threshold I'm crossing? One that moves from the 90 days of confirming a habit to the 120 days where the new habit is who I am. I'm really attentive to the words, the mantra I'm repeating 150 times twice a day. I AM GRACE OF GOD.
This mantra is an affirmation that retrains my mind. It is a consciously chosen thought. It is a tool for transformation and, I feel, will carry me across this threshold. Richio speaks in his book THE 5 GIVENS OF LIFE, of Grace as "the spiritual complement to effort", a source that "grants us the gift of transcending our ordinary limits." "Grace means that we are not alone; we are always accompanied."
Day 60: Thanksgiving. My father-in-law came up for dinner. It was clear that something was wrong with him physically....his health seems to be deteriorating.
Day 62: Henry's 11th birthday. It didn't live up to his expectations ("not enough present"). I'm still opening my heart to that experience. I felt crushed. Michael, my father-in-law came up for the celebration. We knew that something was wrong.
Day 64: Michael's kidneys are failing. Tests.
Day 67: Michael admitted to the hospital. Mike, my husband, cares for him. The boys and I are on our own for the time being.
Facing the bluntness of reality is the highest form of sanity and enlightened vision....Devotion proceeds through various stages of unmasking until we reach the point of seeing the world directly and simply without imposing our fabrications....There may be a sense of being lost or exposed, a sense of vulnerability. That is simply a sign that ego is losing its grip on its territory; it is not a threat.
Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche
Michael is home from the hospital now. My mother -in-law returned from her sister's in Arkansas. They both need a lot of care from Mike. We've celebrated Calvin's 13th birthday and my 46th. I've passed 90 days of of continuous practice. Christmas was peaceful.
I feel useful.
Blessings to you as you prepare to cross your threshold,
Lisa
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Day 52: What I Know For Sure
I'm not feeling at ease with the pace of my life right now. One event in the past two weeks highlighted areas of tension and stress in my life and areas of grace and well-being.
I led a "Lose To Win" class at the Y for my dear friend Paula. It's a weight-loss program that meets weekly. I found the program -- the combination of support and accountability to be invaluable over the last year. Facilitating the class gave me an opportunity to review the past year. I printed out a chart of my weekly weigh-ins to show the participants what it looks like to lose 35 pounds in a year. I also made a list for them of "What I Know For Sure."
Here it is:
This list is in the order it fell out of my head...much as this blog "falls" out of my head. It is about the energy of first thoughts, first images, first feelings. I don't spend a lot of time crafting these entries. This blog is about process, not product.
As I review these entries and as I led the class, I was astonished by how much I had changed over the past year through these practices. I was also astonished by how much resistance and stubborness was still present. Yoga, Meditation, Prayer, Teaching, Marriage, Friendship, Eating....all practices. At this point in my life, I know with certainty that I am a beginner, a learner. I feel humbled, supported and loved by these practices. Grace.
I feel tension and stress about the pace of my life, about the pace of my sons' lives....they seem to be growing and changing with each breath....about the challenging health of my in-laws and my husband's growing responsibility for their care. I feel shaken by my sister-in-law's diagnosis of cancer.
I feel grace and well-being as well. I'm finding it challenging to check in with or identify sometimes, but I feel it there, every present. Even in the midst of November sadness, even when a dear woman looked at me and spoke gently of my grief. Yes, there is tension, stress, sadness and grief....and it is all contained in a spacious container of grace.
I led a "Lose To Win" class at the Y for my dear friend Paula. It's a weight-loss program that meets weekly. I found the program -- the combination of support and accountability to be invaluable over the last year. Facilitating the class gave me an opportunity to review the past year. I printed out a chart of my weekly weigh-ins to show the participants what it looks like to lose 35 pounds in a year. I also made a list for them of "What I Know For Sure."
Here it is:
- What you practice grows stronger.
- Focus on paying attention to your life and increasing the quality of your life.
- Give up one small, meaningful thing/food.
- Keep one small, meaningful thing/food.
- Allow for sane indulgences.
- Sit down and slow down when you eat.
- Weigh in once a week.
- Get honest about what you eat....keep a food journal.
- Get honest about how much you move...keep activity journal.
- Get enough sleep.
- Lighten up! Smile!
- Cultivate gratitude.
- Treat yourself with kindness.
- Let other people do it their way.
- Breathe!
- Notice when you compare yourself with others. Ask youself, "What's up with this?"
- Notice how you are spending your money.
- Notice how you are spending your time
- Notice how you are spending your energy.
- Gather support.
- Look for a few people to support you unconditionally.
- Trust your support team to give you a kick in your ass when you need it.
- Be willing to change.
- Be willing to feel discomfort.
Notice when you complain. - Practice restraint.
- What are you willing to change about your behavior?
- What are you willing to change about yourself?
- What are you unwilling to change?
- Remember: when change seems impossible, acceptance is available.
- Eat simple foods.
- Learn to wait. Patience pays.
- Sweat every day.
- Explore your personal superstitions.
- Eat breakfast.
This list is in the order it fell out of my head...much as this blog "falls" out of my head. It is about the energy of first thoughts, first images, first feelings. I don't spend a lot of time crafting these entries. This blog is about process, not product.
As I review these entries and as I led the class, I was astonished by how much I had changed over the past year through these practices. I was also astonished by how much resistance and stubborness was still present. Yoga, Meditation, Prayer, Teaching, Marriage, Friendship, Eating....all practices. At this point in my life, I know with certainty that I am a beginner, a learner. I feel humbled, supported and loved by these practices. Grace.
I feel tension and stress about the pace of my life, about the pace of my sons' lives....they seem to be growing and changing with each breath....about the challenging health of my in-laws and my husband's growing responsibility for their care. I feel shaken by my sister-in-law's diagnosis of cancer.
I feel grace and well-being as well. I'm finding it challenging to check in with or identify sometimes, but I feel it there, every present. Even in the midst of November sadness, even when a dear woman looked at me and spoke gently of my grief. Yes, there is tension, stress, sadness and grief....and it is all contained in a spacious container of grace.
Friday, November 2, 2007
Day 40: Light and Shadows
After "starting over" twice, my first 40 days is complete. As Gurmukh wrote regarding 40-day meditations, "40 days has historically been known as a very sacred time period. It is the length of time referred to in many ancient scriptures for enacting change. Doing something for 40 days can make or break a habit in a person. If you are consistent in your personal practice, it can clear old subconscious patterns, set up new positive patterns, and change your life for the better."
During this first 40 days I've been focused on settling in to the rhythm. I began in late summer and now, winter is fast approaching. Some years, I ease into the rhythm of the fall. This year there were a lot of fits and starts, not just with the 40 day practice but in all areas of my life. Nothing was simple and easy. Calvin broke his arm. Henry got braces. Roger had a hard time transitioning to 2nd grade and the increased need to settle down. Big changes. My children are no longer small and their needs have changed. I've had to spend time exploring my habits as a mother in order to respond. I have to learn to respond to where they are now -- not where they were or where they might someday be. I feel like much of my life is filled with light and shadows. I began to ask for support in moving between the light and shadows....letting my life and the pace of my life be spacious enough to hold the light and shadows, the comfortable and the uncomfortable.
So my next milestone is 90 days. It takes 40 days to change a habit. 90 days to confirm the habit.
I don't believe that it is a coincidence that this first 40 day cycle of the larger 1000 day cycle is ending on November 2nd. My father passed away on November 2, 1981. I feel his presence strongly right now. He was 46 when he died and I will turn 46 on my birthday next month. My intention between now and day 90 (Saturday, December 22nd) is to explore my relationship with him...to gain insight and understanding. My sense is that there is much to discover in the next 50 days. As the Goddess Tarot card I drew stated, I have been given an "opportunity to work through the "manure" of my past to better fertilize my life". The card was ESTSANATLEHI or "Changing Woman", the benevolent corn goddess.
Blessing to you on this day of light and shadows.
During this first 40 days I've been focused on settling in to the rhythm. I began in late summer and now, winter is fast approaching. Some years, I ease into the rhythm of the fall. This year there were a lot of fits and starts, not just with the 40 day practice but in all areas of my life. Nothing was simple and easy. Calvin broke his arm. Henry got braces. Roger had a hard time transitioning to 2nd grade and the increased need to settle down. Big changes. My children are no longer small and their needs have changed. I've had to spend time exploring my habits as a mother in order to respond. I have to learn to respond to where they are now -- not where they were or where they might someday be. I feel like much of my life is filled with light and shadows. I began to ask for support in moving between the light and shadows....letting my life and the pace of my life be spacious enough to hold the light and shadows, the comfortable and the uncomfortable.
So my next milestone is 90 days. It takes 40 days to change a habit. 90 days to confirm the habit.
I don't believe that it is a coincidence that this first 40 day cycle of the larger 1000 day cycle is ending on November 2nd. My father passed away on November 2, 1981. I feel his presence strongly right now. He was 46 when he died and I will turn 46 on my birthday next month. My intention between now and day 90 (Saturday, December 22nd) is to explore my relationship with him...to gain insight and understanding. My sense is that there is much to discover in the next 50 days. As the Goddess Tarot card I drew stated, I have been given an "opportunity to work through the "manure" of my past to better fertilize my life". The card was ESTSANATLEHI or "Changing Woman", the benevolent corn goddess.
Blessing to you on this day of light and shadows.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Day 39: Trick-or-Treating with Dick Cheney
It's day 39 and I am well. Last night I went trick-or-treating with Dick Cheney. A few months ago, my oldest son, Calvin, 12, decided he wanted to be Dick Cheney for Halloween. I wasn't so sure about it. At first, I was dead set against it. We live in a small, conservative town and, as the local yoga teacher, I am definitely an NPR-listening, school wellness policy-supporting, pro-choice democrat (I think there may be an even dozen of us now) who thinks it's insane that gay marriage is even an issue. I just didn't see an upside to dressing up as the Vice President.....even without a shotgun. Also, our plans included standing on our church's doorstep (the Methodist church, right smack dab in the center of town), handing out candy and glow-in-the dark bracelets and asking for UNICEF donations. It just seemed a bit over the top.
But Calvin persisted and I finally agreed. The mask covers his head completely and comes with glasses. He added a $1 men's suit coat from the City Mission Thrift store and he was good to go.
And I set to fretting and worrying. What would happen? Would people give "Dick Cheney" candy? Would people think that he was pro-Bush/Cheney and the vision of America? Would people think he was being disrespectful? What if....what if....what if...my mind reeled in anticipation of danger. I was filled with fear about what might happen.
Then I looked up the definition of fear. Fear is an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by the anticipation or awareness of danger. Aha! Fear so often happens in response to what MIGHT occur, not in response to what is ACTUALLY occurring. Go figure. I am mostly frightened by what might happen. When I write this, I realize fear is not all that scary anymore.
Last night, Calvin donned the mask and suit. It was eerie and hysterically funny and very disconcerting to hear his calm voice emanating from the mask. From a distance, he looked like the Vice President. I took a deep breath and told him, "If you're going to be Dick Cheney, own it. Respond to people as the Vice President. Don't explain, just enjoy."
Calvin was the hit of the evening. People just laughed. Some were actually startled because to them, he just looked like an old guy coming down the street. Everyone enjoyed a visit from the Vice President. The highlight of his evening was when he approached Mrs. D.'s door. Now, Mrs. D. is old school. To get a treat, you have to work for it -- dance, sing -- you have to do something. She took one look at Calvin and, without missing a beat, said, "I am honored that you have come to my house to trick-or-treat, Mr. Vice President."
When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Sometime the most unexpected situations carry grace. Last night, a 12 year old boy dressed as Dick Cheney was the most graceful presence of the evening. I am thankful that I relaxed and made space for it to happen.
And the rest of the month?
I revised my October entry into a piece for NPR's series "This I Believe"....otherwise known as NPR's version of America Idol. I didn't make "the cut" to read it over the air, but am so happy to see it published on their website. Check out http://www.thisibelieve.org/. Go to Search Database and search "temoshok" and you'll go right to my essay. I encourage you to try your hand at it. Calvin is working on one for school ("I believe in Alfred E. Newman"). There are some very wonderful essays on the site.
But Calvin persisted and I finally agreed. The mask covers his head completely and comes with glasses. He added a $1 men's suit coat from the City Mission Thrift store and he was good to go.
And I set to fretting and worrying. What would happen? Would people give "Dick Cheney" candy? Would people think that he was pro-Bush/Cheney and the vision of America? Would people think he was being disrespectful? What if....what if....what if...my mind reeled in anticipation of danger. I was filled with fear about what might happen.
Then I looked up the definition of fear. Fear is an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by the anticipation or awareness of danger. Aha! Fear so often happens in response to what MIGHT occur, not in response to what is ACTUALLY occurring. Go figure. I am mostly frightened by what might happen. When I write this, I realize fear is not all that scary anymore.
Last night, Calvin donned the mask and suit. It was eerie and hysterically funny and very disconcerting to hear his calm voice emanating from the mask. From a distance, he looked like the Vice President. I took a deep breath and told him, "If you're going to be Dick Cheney, own it. Respond to people as the Vice President. Don't explain, just enjoy."
Calvin was the hit of the evening. People just laughed. Some were actually startled because to them, he just looked like an old guy coming down the street. Everyone enjoyed a visit from the Vice President. The highlight of his evening was when he approached Mrs. D.'s door. Now, Mrs. D. is old school. To get a treat, you have to work for it -- dance, sing -- you have to do something. She took one look at Calvin and, without missing a beat, said, "I am honored that you have come to my house to trick-or-treat, Mr. Vice President."
When I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Sometime the most unexpected situations carry grace. Last night, a 12 year old boy dressed as Dick Cheney was the most graceful presence of the evening. I am thankful that I relaxed and made space for it to happen.
And the rest of the month?
I revised my October entry into a piece for NPR's series "This I Believe"....otherwise known as NPR's version of America Idol. I didn't make "the cut" to read it over the air, but am so happy to see it published on their website. Check out http://www.thisibelieve.org/. Go to Search Database and search "temoshok" and you'll go right to my essay. I encourage you to try your hand at it. Calvin is working on one for school ("I believe in Alfred E. Newman"). There are some very wonderful essays on the site.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Day 12: I Believe In Giving Up "Toast"
Have you ever listened to NPR's ongoing "This I Believe" series?
The premise is simple: people are invited to write a brief essay on something they believe. That's it. It started back in the 1950's, disappeared and was resurrected recently. I checked the CD collection of essays out of the library to listen to this week. It was remarkable and started me thinking: what do I believe?
Here's my response: I believe in giving up toast.
I gave up toast on September 1, 2006. That was the last day I made myself toast. Two pieces of whole-grain fresh bread with real butter and strawberry preserves. I ate the toast for breakfast while I enjoyed a mug of English Breakfast tea with milk and sugar. It was a Friday and the last weekend of the summer. As I ate breakfast, I realized that it was time to give up toast.
On that day, I didn't feel at home in my body. I practice and teach yoga and a sense of ease in my body is important. I didn't have a goal weight in mind, I just knew that I needed to move more, to eat less and find companions for the journey.
The first step was, in many ways, the most essential. I savored the toast and tea, feeling gratitude for every bite. When I was finished, I rinsed the plate and cup and breathed a sigh of relief. No more toast. It was the most important symbolic step I could take.
Why toast? I love toast. When I feel overwhelmed by life, I could always count on the comfort of toast and tea. Good, whole grain bread, real butter, real preserves or jam along with tea made in a pot and poured into a cup with warmed milk and sugar restored me. Toast and tea nourished me.
Sometimes the small gestures are the most important. I didn't give up all wheat products or all carbohydrates. I simply let go of the one that meant the most to me.
For me, opening to Grace meant giving up toast. Authentic change is Grace. Perhaps Grace is, in many ways, a combination of will-power AND surrender.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali writes tapas svadhyaya ishvara pranidhana kriya yoga. Tapas (discipline) svadhyaya (self-study) ishvara pranidhana (surrender to God)....these are the actions (kriya) of yoga (union).
Giving up toast, something I love (discipline), witnessing my response to the little letting go I feel when I fix myself a cup a tea (self-study), walking away from the toaster (surrender to God). Do I miss it? Occasionally. But when I feel that longing, I breathe and dive deep, like fish dive when a storm causes great waves. I feel what I'm actually feeling underneath the desire for toast. And what am I feeling? It could be anything: a momentary irritation, a splinter of grief or a drop of sadness. This small practice welcomes the presence of Grace into my life as I am in that moment and leads to the possibility of union, of being at home in my body....being at ease with life.
What is your "toast"? What small, essential thing can you release to make room for Grace?
Eat less, move more and give up the toast.
The premise is simple: people are invited to write a brief essay on something they believe. That's it. It started back in the 1950's, disappeared and was resurrected recently. I checked the CD collection of essays out of the library to listen to this week. It was remarkable and started me thinking: what do I believe?
Here's my response: I believe in giving up toast.
I gave up toast on September 1, 2006. That was the last day I made myself toast. Two pieces of whole-grain fresh bread with real butter and strawberry preserves. I ate the toast for breakfast while I enjoyed a mug of English Breakfast tea with milk and sugar. It was a Friday and the last weekend of the summer. As I ate breakfast, I realized that it was time to give up toast.
On that day, I didn't feel at home in my body. I practice and teach yoga and a sense of ease in my body is important. I didn't have a goal weight in mind, I just knew that I needed to move more, to eat less and find companions for the journey.
The first step was, in many ways, the most essential. I savored the toast and tea, feeling gratitude for every bite. When I was finished, I rinsed the plate and cup and breathed a sigh of relief. No more toast. It was the most important symbolic step I could take.
Why toast? I love toast. When I feel overwhelmed by life, I could always count on the comfort of toast and tea. Good, whole grain bread, real butter, real preserves or jam along with tea made in a pot and poured into a cup with warmed milk and sugar restored me. Toast and tea nourished me.
Sometimes the small gestures are the most important. I didn't give up all wheat products or all carbohydrates. I simply let go of the one that meant the most to me.
For me, opening to Grace meant giving up toast. Authentic change is Grace. Perhaps Grace is, in many ways, a combination of will-power AND surrender.
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali writes tapas svadhyaya ishvara pranidhana kriya yoga. Tapas (discipline) svadhyaya (self-study) ishvara pranidhana (surrender to God)....these are the actions (kriya) of yoga (union).
Giving up toast, something I love (discipline), witnessing my response to the little letting go I feel when I fix myself a cup a tea (self-study), walking away from the toaster (surrender to God). Do I miss it? Occasionally. But when I feel that longing, I breathe and dive deep, like fish dive when a storm causes great waves. I feel what I'm actually feeling underneath the desire for toast. And what am I feeling? It could be anything: a momentary irritation, a splinter of grief or a drop of sadness. This small practice welcomes the presence of Grace into my life as I am in that moment and leads to the possibility of union, of being at home in my body....being at ease with life.
What is your "toast"? What small, essential thing can you release to make room for Grace?
Eat less, move more and give up the toast.
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