Day 40: Light and Shadows

After "starting over" twice, my first 40 days is complete. As Gurmukh wrote regarding 40-day meditations, "40 days has historically been known as a very sacred time period. It is the length of time referred to in many ancient scriptures for enacting change. Doing something for 40 days can make or break a habit in a person. If you are consistent in your personal practice, it can clear old subconscious patterns, set up new positive patterns, and change your life for the better."

During this first 40 days I've been focused on settling in to the rhythm. I began in late summer and now, winter is fast approaching. Some years, I ease into the rhythm of the fall. This year there were a lot of fits and starts, not just with the 40 day practice but in all areas of my life. Nothing was simple and easy. Calvin broke his arm. Henry got braces. Roger had a hard time transitioning to 2nd grade and the increased need to settle down. Big changes. My children are no longer small and their needs have changed. I've had to spend time exploring my habits as a mother in order to respond. I have to learn to respond to where they are now -- not where they were or where they might someday be. I feel like much of my life is filled with light and shadows. I began to ask for support in moving between the light and shadows....letting my life and the pace of my life be spacious enough to hold the light and shadows, the comfortable and the uncomfortable.

So my next milestone is 90 days. It takes 40 days to change a habit. 90 days to confirm the habit.

I don't believe that it is a coincidence that this first 40 day cycle of the larger 1000 day cycle is ending on November 2nd. My father passed away on November 2, 1981. I feel his presence strongly right now. He was 46 when he died and I will turn 46 on my birthday next month. My intention between now and day 90 (Saturday, December 22nd) is to explore my relationship with him...to gain insight and understanding. My sense is that there is much to discover in the next 50 days. As the Goddess Tarot card I drew stated, I have been given an "opportunity to work through the "manure" of my past to better fertilize my life". The card was ESTSANATLEHI or "Changing Woman", the benevolent corn goddess.

Blessing to you on this day of light and shadows.