As September ends, I'm feeling a sense of relief. It's been a busy month. If this month had been a piece of music, it would have had a Charlie Parker-be-bop feel. Rhythm, energy, dissonance and harmony. The kind of music that, once you think you "have" it goes off in a new direction.
Both of my older children, Calvin and Henry are in middle school now -- 7th and 6th grade respectively. And Roger is in 2nd. The way I figure it the older boys are responsible to about a dozen individual teachers each. Fortunately Roger is in a 1st/2nd grade multi-age class so he has the same (one) teacher he had last year. This month has been about transitions and settling into a new routine. But last week we saw the emerging routine busted up when Calvin fractured the humerus in his left arm while skateboarding. It's an easy break -- four weeks in a sling and he'll be healed....just in time for basketball. It a huge thing for him. No piano. No saxophone. No falling down.
After I wrote this paragraph yesterday morning, I stopped, took my hands off the computer and waited. My mind was completely flooded and overflowing with thoughts. It's the end of the month and I need to reassess. What is possible now? What are my priorities?
A month ago, we were deep and comfortable with summer rhythm. I taught two Sunrise Yoga classes at the Y and that was it. Summer rhythm was all about doing less and letting things (and kids) be. The boys built forts and roamed. Roger learned to ride a bike. Calvin and Henry became enthralled by their skateboards. Summer "time" was spacious. Mike spent most of the summer working on his parents house and tending our garden. I teach yoga but Mike's the real deal, someone who lives his practice. He does one thing at a time and he does it with full attention more times than not. Whether it is caring for his parents, tending the garden, volunteering in the community as an EMT or playing his violin, he is attentive to his work. More on that later.
A month later, sitting in front of the computer, I realize that I'm not longer the relaxed Mom. There are schedules to be met....and yes, there is one posted on the refrigerator door that has a general overview of our schedule in addition to the family calendar which hangs next to the Galway Central School Calendar. And the schedule and two calendars all bow in respect to the small notebook calendar I carry with me at all times. That's the standard....the Greenwich Mean Time of Calendars in our family.
Today, the day is free and empty. As I sat in front of the computer, I realized that I had about five hours to calm my mind's choppy waters. I packed up my journal and headed toward Saratoga Springs. When I feel like this, the possibilities for clarity are always greater for me sitting in Borders with a pot of tea, the comfort of books and the quiet companionship of the other early morning bookstore types. For those of you who live in Saratoga Springs, I love Uncommon Grounds (especially since it's been renovated) and Mike and Jon's place on Broadway (the Clean Bean -- my very favorite) are wonderful, but there's nothing like sipping tea and writing while surrounded by all those books. I've told the boys that when I was their age, it would have been unheard of for a bookstore to offer comfortable seat, food and beverage to enjoy while you shop! I feel Grace on early mornings in Borders and I suspect my quiet companions, working on laptops or, often, writing in journals or reading feel the same. There aren't nearly as many people hurrying to get their coffee and head out the door, talking on a phone continuously. In fact, in the 3 hours I spent at Borders, I didn't hear a single person on a cell phone in the cafe.
Grace can make an appearance over a cup of tea. More what I learned during my sojourn tomorrow.....or the next quiet time I find to connect
Blessings to you right now --
Lisa
Friday, September 28, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Day 3: Happiness Runs In a Circular Motion
Happiness runs in a circular motion.
Love is like a little boat upon the sea.
Everybody is a part of everything anyway.
You can have it all if you let yourself be.
Donovan
I LOVE this song and I remember learning it as a child (although I learned and still HEAR the last line as "You can be happy if you let yourself be".
One of the blessings of rural life is living a quiet road. There's some traffic in a the mornings as we're on one of the main routes to school but it's pretty quiet. This morning I ran about 2.5 miles. That's shorter than usual, but I got hit by a virus last week and I'm still not feeling quite up to par. Usually, I try to run between 3 and 5 miles a day, 6 days a week.
I use the term "run" loosely. A little over a year ago, I was a mess. I signed up for a group weight-loss program at the YMCA where I teach yoga, stepped up my personal yoga practice, began letting go of some commitments that were no longer working (and were adding stress to my life) and decided that I would run.
At first, it was about a minute of slow jogging for every 4 minutes of walking on a flat treadmill. Now, I am happiest running the roads around my home in upstate New York, with their rolling hills. My neighbors are friendly and encouraging. Many of them said, "I see you out walking -- that's great." The first time I heard this I was just deflated. You see, in my mind, I had just finished a very FAST run. Then another person said the same thing. I replied, "Thank you and actually, I am running. It may not look fast and strong, but it sure feels that way."
A year and 35 pounds lighter, I am running. I am strong. Fast? I've realized that I'm not sure what "fast" feels like. So I play with fast on the treadmill. When I was young, I was very pigeon-toed and wore heavy corrective shoes. I didn't run. My feet were the object of a lot of attention and I felt very self-conscious. This running that I'm doing now? The five year-old inside who desperately wanted to run is having a blast.
This mornings run was not long, but long enough to feel the warmth of the sun, to see a few leaves tumble from the trees and all the while the Donovan song is playing in my head.
Happiness runs. Happiness also floats. Check out Naomi Shihab Nye's poem "So Much Happiness".
But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
As I ran this morning, I felt aligned with happiness. I felt the warmth of its light as sure as I felt the warmth of the sun. When I run, I can let everything be, even my thoughts. I let go of the drama and intensity of getting 3 kids off to school. I let go of the work that I had to do when I got home. I just ran.
Today Grace is running on the roads near my home, with happiness floating just above me.
What is the connection between happiness and Grace? They are old friends.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
DAY 2: Endings and Beginnings
How often do we begin a project or a relationship or job or school or journey anything in life without a specific outcome or destination in mind?
I had a very specific vision of this 1000 days. I knew there would be challenging times. I saw myself rising to every challenge with courage, creativity. I saw myself finding a place to practice under any kind of circumstance. The fact that I was tired and just fell asleep was a decidely unremarkable end to this cycle of my practice.
It's been a busy few weeks. The boys started school (Calvin and Henry are both in middle school now) and Roger's in second grade. Mike was busy with work and the bounty from our garden. My yoga classes are thriving. Then, last Tuesday, while Mike was off hiking in the Adirondacks, Calvin fell from his skateboard and broke his arm (proximal humerus). As breaks go, it's a good one. He'll need 4 weeks in a sling (no cast) to recover. I sustained my practice through the days of the emergency room visit, the orthopedic appointment to confirm the ER diagnosis and my bout with a virus a few days later. It wasn't until everything was calm again, when Mike had returned home and I had recovered that I forgot.
Here's what I learned about this week.
There are going to be beginnings and endings in this 1000 day practice. On some level, this 1000 day practice will be from Thursday, August 16, 2007 through Wednesday, May 12, 2010. That's the day I received "the call" to commit to this practice.
Then, there's the 1000 day practice from Thursday, August 23, 2007 through Wednesday, May 17, 2010. That's the day I started over after realizing that I needed to do the GGM morning and evening.
And now, there's the practice that goes from Monday, September 24, 2007 through Sunday, July 20, 2010. I hesitate to even call it 1000 practice. Right now, I'm looking toward 40 days: November 2, 2007. That's enough for now.
The World Card (XXI) Gaia in my Tarot deck is the last card in the Major Arcana. Perhaps it tells me that I have completed something in my life, even if I can't exactly identify what that "something" is. Maybe I'm being reminded that no matter when I am in my meditation, the important part is to practice and not to be to attached to the form of the practice. So, if I forget and need to start over? I start over. We'll see how many times I start over during the next 1000 days. Can I stay out of my own way and let the practice unfold? We'll see.
Meanwhile, I'm beginning to experience the morning and evening practice as sturdy bookends to my day. I awaken with the practice and set an intention to live in Grace. I end the day with the practice and invite a sense of gratitude for everything in my life as it is right now.
I had a very specific vision of this 1000 days. I knew there would be challenging times. I saw myself rising to every challenge with courage, creativity. I saw myself finding a place to practice under any kind of circumstance. The fact that I was tired and just fell asleep was a decidely unremarkable end to this cycle of my practice.
It's been a busy few weeks. The boys started school (Calvin and Henry are both in middle school now) and Roger's in second grade. Mike was busy with work and the bounty from our garden. My yoga classes are thriving. Then, last Tuesday, while Mike was off hiking in the Adirondacks, Calvin fell from his skateboard and broke his arm (proximal humerus). As breaks go, it's a good one. He'll need 4 weeks in a sling (no cast) to recover. I sustained my practice through the days of the emergency room visit, the orthopedic appointment to confirm the ER diagnosis and my bout with a virus a few days later. It wasn't until everything was calm again, when Mike had returned home and I had recovered that I forgot.
Here's what I learned about this week.
There are going to be beginnings and endings in this 1000 day practice. On some level, this 1000 day practice will be from Thursday, August 16, 2007 through Wednesday, May 12, 2010. That's the day I received "the call" to commit to this practice.
Then, there's the 1000 day practice from Thursday, August 23, 2007 through Wednesday, May 17, 2010. That's the day I started over after realizing that I needed to do the GGM morning and evening.
And now, there's the practice that goes from Monday, September 24, 2007 through Sunday, July 20, 2010. I hesitate to even call it 1000 practice. Right now, I'm looking toward 40 days: November 2, 2007. That's enough for now.
The World Card (XXI) Gaia in my Tarot deck is the last card in the Major Arcana. Perhaps it tells me that I have completed something in my life, even if I can't exactly identify what that "something" is. Maybe I'm being reminded that no matter when I am in my meditation, the important part is to practice and not to be to attached to the form of the practice. So, if I forget and need to start over? I start over. We'll see how many times I start over during the next 1000 days. Can I stay out of my own way and let the practice unfold? We'll see.
Meanwhile, I'm beginning to experience the morning and evening practice as sturdy bookends to my day. I awaken with the practice and set an intention to live in Grace. I end the day with the practice and invite a sense of gratitude for everything in my life as it is right now.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Day 39, Day 32, Day 1..."repetition is not failure"
I forgot my evening practice last night.
I didn't blow it off and just go to bed, I just went to bed and feel fast asleep.
The good news, it was a restful sleep after a restless week.
So, I begin again.
As I write this, it is early morning and I have to get the boys off to school, but I feel compelled to write SOMETHING to mark this morning....the first day of autumn, the 3rd first day of my 1000 day meditation, Monday morning. It's going to be a beautiful day. May it be filled with grace.
In the mornings, I draw a card from a tarot deck (Kris Waldherr's "The Goddess Tarot"). I held the deck close to my heart and said, "On this day, Monday, September 24th, I am grateful for everything in my life as it is right now." As I heard these words, my mind kept up a mantra: day one, day one, day one.....and I felt a lingering sense of judgment mixed with expectation and anticipation. I felt a sense of relief and sadness in the starting over. I drew the card for today.
It is XXI, THE WORLD/GAIA. This is the final card in what is known as the Major Arcana. It symbolizes expansion, interconnection and hope.
So I begin again. Day 39, Day 32, Day 1. It's all good.
In THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, Mark Nepo writes:
I didn't blow it off and just go to bed, I just went to bed and feel fast asleep.
The good news, it was a restful sleep after a restless week.
So, I begin again.
As I write this, it is early morning and I have to get the boys off to school, but I feel compelled to write SOMETHING to mark this morning....the first day of autumn, the 3rd first day of my 1000 day meditation, Monday morning. It's going to be a beautiful day. May it be filled with grace.
In the mornings, I draw a card from a tarot deck (Kris Waldherr's "The Goddess Tarot"). I held the deck close to my heart and said, "On this day, Monday, September 24th, I am grateful for everything in my life as it is right now." As I heard these words, my mind kept up a mantra: day one, day one, day one.....and I felt a lingering sense of judgment mixed with expectation and anticipation. I felt a sense of relief and sadness in the starting over. I drew the card for today.
It is XXI, THE WORLD/GAIA. This is the final card in what is known as the Major Arcana. It symbolizes expansion, interconnection and hope.
So I begin again. Day 39, Day 32, Day 1. It's all good.
In THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, Mark Nepo writes:
Repetition is not failure.
Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind.
There is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson.
I feel grace when I read these words:
Repetition is not failure.
Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind.
So I begin again.
Monday, September 3, 2007
The Grace of God Meditation (the GGM)
According to Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, in her book KUNDALINI YOGA: THE FLOW OF ETERNAL POWER, the Grace of God Meditation is a very powerful affirmation. "The GGM is designed to evoke and manifest the inner Grace, strength and radiance of each woman....By practicing this meditation, a woman's thoughts and behavior, personality and projection become aligned with the infinite beauty and nobility unveiled by the mantra."
If you are reading this and you are a man, don't worry. Yogi Bhajan did not exclude you from the practice. It's about perspective. From the yogic perspective, woman is SHAKTI, the feminine aspect of God, the power through which God created creation itself. More from Shakti Parwha: "Woman is the embodiment of God's power. The word Shakti means 'God's power in manifestation' Adi Shakti is the Primal Power". That primal power has been worshipped for centuries in the form of Goddesses. " The mantra for men is slightly different than the mantra for women. Men practice living IN the Grace of God, while women practice accepting themselves AS the Grace of God. If you are a man who has worked with this practice (or are working with this practice) I am very interested in your experiences and the ways that a man's practice is similar to or different from a woman's practice.
According to Shakti Parwha, the GGM was given to a group of women yoga students in San Francision, California on September 22, 1970. The women asked Yogi Bhajan how to control and channel their powerful, sometimes overwhelming emotions. "For the first time, he taught the special meditation that is designed to awaken the power of the Adi Shakti, the Goddess, within each woman.
You may be thinking that this meditation is loaded with verbal landmines, words like God, Goddess, Primal Power, Men, Women. Yes, it is. I am certain that this journey will take us through some pretty interesting territory and you may have a bit of an allergic reaction to some of the words. That's okay. I've had some allergic reactions too. If you are allergic to the word God, just take a deep breath. Maybe this will be an opportunity to dive underneath your reactions to words, ideas and concepts that you think are already clearly defined. If there is one rule for our journey together, this is it:
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
Here' the practice, offered to you exactly how it was offered to me 5 years ago.
If you are reading this and you are a man, don't worry. Yogi Bhajan did not exclude you from the practice. It's about perspective. From the yogic perspective, woman is SHAKTI, the feminine aspect of God, the power through which God created creation itself. More from Shakti Parwha: "Woman is the embodiment of God's power. The word Shakti means 'God's power in manifestation' Adi Shakti is the Primal Power". That primal power has been worshipped for centuries in the form of Goddesses. " The mantra for men is slightly different than the mantra for women. Men practice living IN the Grace of God, while women practice accepting themselves AS the Grace of God. If you are a man who has worked with this practice (or are working with this practice) I am very interested in your experiences and the ways that a man's practice is similar to or different from a woman's practice.
According to Shakti Parwha, the GGM was given to a group of women yoga students in San Francision, California on September 22, 1970. The women asked Yogi Bhajan how to control and channel their powerful, sometimes overwhelming emotions. "For the first time, he taught the special meditation that is designed to awaken the power of the Adi Shakti, the Goddess, within each woman.
You may be thinking that this meditation is loaded with verbal landmines, words like God, Goddess, Primal Power, Men, Women. Yes, it is. I am certain that this journey will take us through some pretty interesting territory and you may have a bit of an allergic reaction to some of the words. That's okay. I've had some allergic reactions too. If you are allergic to the word God, just take a deep breath. Maybe this will be an opportunity to dive underneath your reactions to words, ideas and concepts that you think are already clearly defined. If there is one rule for our journey together, this is it:
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
Here' the practice, offered to you exactly how it was offered to me 5 years ago.
GRACE OF GOD MEDITATION (GGM)
PART I
Lie on the back, fully relaxing the face and body. The eyes are closed.
MANTRA:
I AM GRACE OF GOD (woman)
I AM IN THE GRACE OF GOD (man)
INHALE deeply. Hold the breath in while silently repeating the mantra 10 TIMES.
You can tense your fingers one at a time to help keep count.
EXHALE all the air out. Hold it out and silently repeat the mantra 10 TIMES.
Continue this process of repeating the mantra 10 TIMES on each INHALE and
10 TIMES on each EXHALE, for a total of 5 INHALATIONS and 5 EXHALATIONS.
This totals 100 silent repetitions.
PART II
Relax your breath and, with the eyes still closed, slowly come sitting up into EASY
POSE (sit comfortably).
Bring the right hand into GYAN MUDRA (index finger curled under thumb, other
fingers extended, palm up, wrist resting on knee, elbow straight)
The left hand is held up by the left shoulder, palm flat and facing forward. This
is called the "vow" position. Your hand is held up as if taking an oath.
Keep the breath relaxed and normal. Tense one finger of the left hand at a time, keeping
other fingers straight but relaxed. Meditation on the governing energy of that finger
the repeat 5 TIMES, I AM GRACE OF GOD or I AM IN THE GRACE OF GOD.
Continue this sequence for each finger moving from the little finger to the thumb.
- Little Finger Mercury (water) the power to relate, communicate and make decisions
- Ring Finger Sun/Venus (fire) physical health, grace and beauty
- Middle Finger Saturn (air) channel emotion to devotion, patience
- Index Finger Jupiter (ether) wisdom and expression, open space for change
- Thumb (earth) positive ego
When both parts of the meditation are completed, lower the left hand and relax for a few minutes.
Some comments from the original instructions I received from Gurmukh (I'm not sure of the original source, but if anyone is and can let me know, that would be wonderful!):
It is said that when a woman practices this meditation for one year, her aura will become tipped with gold or silver and great strength and God's healing power will flow through her.
The technique of positive affirmation has been around for thousands of years. It is nothing new. Words increase in power through repetition, and when you are repeating truth, the impact is enormous. Yogi Bhajan gave us this meditation, which is one of the most powerful affirmations a woman can do. The fact is, woman IS the Grace of God. Woman is Shakti. The problem is, she doesn't know it.
This meditation is designed to evoke and manifest the inner grace, strength and radiance of each woman. It helps her tune in directly with the Adi Shakti, the Primal Power within her own being. It empowers a woman to channel her emotions in a positive direction, strengthen her weaknesses, develop mental clarity and effective communication, and gives her the patience to go through the tests of her own karma. It enables her to merge the limited ego into Divine Will, as well as improve her physical health.
By practicing this meditation a woman's thoughts, behavior, personality and projection become aligned with the infinite beauty and nobility unveiled by the mantra. It balances the five elements (earth, air, fire, water, ether). The amazing thing is, this is such an easy meditation to do! You might pass it over because it is so simple, and not realize what a profound effect it can have on your life.
Practice it faithfully TWICE A DAY FOR 40 DAYS.
It is recommended for women going through menopause to practice is 5 TIMES A DAY.
Practice it on an empty stomach.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
What is Grace?
What is Grace?
My falling-apart college dictionary defines Grace in many ways:
This past August, on the second day of a seven-day retreat with Kundalini Yoga teacher Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, she began to speak of Grace. The name of the retreat at the Omega Center for Holistic Studies in Rhinecliff, New York was MAGNIFICENT GRACE. "Grace is untouchable," she said. "When we open to the understanding of true Grace, we are kissed by God."
That morning, Gurmukh began to speak of Grace in terms of what Grace is not. As she spoke, my mind was immediately flooded with memories of times in my life when I felt "out of Grace". Times when I have not acted in an elegant manner, have not nurtured a pleasing quality, have not offered goodwill or mercy toward othersw, and have rejected the freely-given, unmerited favor of God. My heart sank with grief and my belly began to tighten, resisting the ebb and flow of my breath. I sat quietly with this (I was in the front of the room and there was no escape). Breathing deeply, I felt a sense of stepping back from the intensity of the emotions and began to marvel at my monkey mind. As I watched my mind jump from ungraceful moment to ungraceful moment with glee, I realized that my mind LOVES this kind of work! I felt a knowing of what Grace is not...not so much in the events I remembered but in my habitual way of storing these events as truth. I smiled. I saw the gift in each moment. Understanding what Grace is not, by connecting to times when I acted out of fear, the root of my selfish behavior, I began to feel a compassionate response, an opening of my heart. My belly softened and my breath flowed deeply and easily.
I heard Gurmukh's voice. "In order to define Grace, let's identify when we feel Grace in our lives." One by one, each of us stood and completed the phrase 'I feel Grace when _____." I witnessed the others stand and speak of when they felt Grace in their lives. It was a wide variety of experiencing and included nature, children, animals and silence. I found myself unable to stand up that day and express anything. I felt raw and vulnerable and unsure of myself.
As the retreat unfolded, I felt two streams of my life merging.
One stream that, although often hidden and unrecognized, has always been in Grace. This stream is steady, deep and strong.
The second stream ismore easily accessible, shallow, winding and filled with bright-shiny objects. This second stream is filled with my adventures in this world. It is the stream of ideas and plans and the illusion that I am in charge of my life.
Each of us has two streams in our lives and to live in Grace I believe that those streams mut merge and flow as one. How do we do this?
For me, it's about practice.
In the Kundalini Yoga tradition as taught by Yoga Bhajan, meditation often focuses on breath, mantra and mental focus while holding a posture for a specific period of time (11 minutes is common). In much the same way that there are specific periods of time, there are specific cycles of time that help change old habits and develop new ones. It takes 40 days to change a habit and 90 days to confirm a habit. At 120 days, the new habit is who you are and upon completion of 1000 days, you have mastered the new habit. I have completed five 40-day cycles over the past five years, working with meditations requested from Gurmukh.
I have made a commitment to practice the Grace of God Meditation (GGM) for 1000 days. It is a "short" meditation that is practiced twice a day, morning and evening. It is less rigorous than many of the meditations given by Yogi Bhajan, but it is, nonetheless, demanding. If I miss a day or a single practice, I must begin again. As I write this, I'm on Day 11, having already started over once. I felt the call to begin the GGM while on retreat and was working off my memory of the meditation. I practiced once a day in the morning for a week before I read the instructions (another habit that keeps me "out of Grace").
I am sharing this journey in Grace. For the next 1000 days I hope to explore Grace as a vital presence in my life with vision and devotion. I'm also curious about Grace as a theological, cultural and intellectual concept. And I want to know about other people's experience of Grace.
When do you feel Grace in your life?
When do you find yourself resisting the experience of Grace?
I'm not sure how often I'll post. I'd like to say that I'll post each and every day but I'm not going to promise what I don't think I can deliver. My intention is to chronicle my experiences and connect with others who find themselves drawn to a life centered in Grace. Please post your thoughts and experiences. I have a vision of a community of Grace. Most of all, I have faith that through practice and a honest willingness to share the journey with others that I will come to understand, accept and welcome the presence and gift of Grace in my life.
Blessings to you on this bright, clear September evening.
My falling-apart college dictionary defines Grace in many ways:
- elegance or beauty of form, manner or motion
- a pleasing or attractive quality
- favor or goodwill
- mercy or clemency
- the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God
- the condition of being in God's favor
- a short prayer before or after a meal
- to adorn or decorate
This past August, on the second day of a seven-day retreat with Kundalini Yoga teacher Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa, she began to speak of Grace. The name of the retreat at the Omega Center for Holistic Studies in Rhinecliff, New York was MAGNIFICENT GRACE. "Grace is untouchable," she said. "When we open to the understanding of true Grace, we are kissed by God."
That morning, Gurmukh began to speak of Grace in terms of what Grace is not. As she spoke, my mind was immediately flooded with memories of times in my life when I felt "out of Grace". Times when I have not acted in an elegant manner, have not nurtured a pleasing quality, have not offered goodwill or mercy toward othersw, and have rejected the freely-given, unmerited favor of God. My heart sank with grief and my belly began to tighten, resisting the ebb and flow of my breath. I sat quietly with this (I was in the front of the room and there was no escape). Breathing deeply, I felt a sense of stepping back from the intensity of the emotions and began to marvel at my monkey mind. As I watched my mind jump from ungraceful moment to ungraceful moment with glee, I realized that my mind LOVES this kind of work! I felt a knowing of what Grace is not...not so much in the events I remembered but in my habitual way of storing these events as truth. I smiled. I saw the gift in each moment. Understanding what Grace is not, by connecting to times when I acted out of fear, the root of my selfish behavior, I began to feel a compassionate response, an opening of my heart. My belly softened and my breath flowed deeply and easily.
I heard Gurmukh's voice. "In order to define Grace, let's identify when we feel Grace in our lives." One by one, each of us stood and completed the phrase 'I feel Grace when _____." I witnessed the others stand and speak of when they felt Grace in their lives. It was a wide variety of experiencing and included nature, children, animals and silence. I found myself unable to stand up that day and express anything. I felt raw and vulnerable and unsure of myself.
As the retreat unfolded, I felt two streams of my life merging.
One stream that, although often hidden and unrecognized, has always been in Grace. This stream is steady, deep and strong.
The second stream ismore easily accessible, shallow, winding and filled with bright-shiny objects. This second stream is filled with my adventures in this world. It is the stream of ideas and plans and the illusion that I am in charge of my life.
Each of us has two streams in our lives and to live in Grace I believe that those streams mut merge and flow as one. How do we do this?
For me, it's about practice.
In the Kundalini Yoga tradition as taught by Yoga Bhajan, meditation often focuses on breath, mantra and mental focus while holding a posture for a specific period of time (11 minutes is common). In much the same way that there are specific periods of time, there are specific cycles of time that help change old habits and develop new ones. It takes 40 days to change a habit and 90 days to confirm a habit. At 120 days, the new habit is who you are and upon completion of 1000 days, you have mastered the new habit. I have completed five 40-day cycles over the past five years, working with meditations requested from Gurmukh.
I have made a commitment to practice the Grace of God Meditation (GGM) for 1000 days. It is a "short" meditation that is practiced twice a day, morning and evening. It is less rigorous than many of the meditations given by Yogi Bhajan, but it is, nonetheless, demanding. If I miss a day or a single practice, I must begin again. As I write this, I'm on Day 11, having already started over once. I felt the call to begin the GGM while on retreat and was working off my memory of the meditation. I practiced once a day in the morning for a week before I read the instructions (another habit that keeps me "out of Grace").
I am sharing this journey in Grace. For the next 1000 days I hope to explore Grace as a vital presence in my life with vision and devotion. I'm also curious about Grace as a theological, cultural and intellectual concept. And I want to know about other people's experience of Grace.
When do you feel Grace in your life?
When do you find yourself resisting the experience of Grace?
I'm not sure how often I'll post. I'd like to say that I'll post each and every day but I'm not going to promise what I don't think I can deliver. My intention is to chronicle my experiences and connect with others who find themselves drawn to a life centered in Grace. Please post your thoughts and experiences. I have a vision of a community of Grace. Most of all, I have faith that through practice and a honest willingness to share the journey with others that I will come to understand, accept and welcome the presence and gift of Grace in my life.
Blessings to you on this bright, clear September evening.
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