Day 39, Day 32, Day 1..."repetition is not failure"

I forgot my evening practice last night.

I didn't blow it off and just go to bed, I just went to bed and feel fast asleep.

The good news, it was a restful sleep after a restless week.

So, I begin again.

As I write this, it is early morning and I have to get the boys off to school, but I feel compelled to write SOMETHING to mark this morning....the first day of autumn, the 3rd first day of my 1000 day meditation, Monday morning. It's going to be a beautiful day. May it be filled with grace.

In the mornings, I draw a card from a tarot deck (Kris Waldherr's "The Goddess Tarot"). I held the deck close to my heart and said, "On this day, Monday, September 24th, I am grateful for everything in my life as it is right now." As I heard these words, my mind kept up a mantra: day one, day one, day one.....and I felt a lingering sense of judgment mixed with expectation and anticipation. I felt a sense of relief and sadness in the starting over. I drew the card for today.

It is XXI, THE WORLD/GAIA. This is the final card in what is known as the Major Arcana. It symbolizes expansion, interconnection and hope.

So I begin again. Day 39, Day 32, Day 1. It's all good.

In THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, Mark Nepo writes:

Repetition is not failure.

Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind.

There is no expected pace for inner learning. What we need to learn comes when we need it, no matter how old or young, no matter how many times we have to start over, no matter how many times we have to learn the same lesson.

I feel grace when I read these words:

Repetition is not failure.

Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind.

So I begin again.